After a mostly rained-off winter, the season is in full flight again and Bristol Revolution have really kicked on. Well, aside from conceding free kicks due to amateurish cries of ‘mine’ and ‘leave it’, but we do that just to lull opponents into a false sense of security. Here’s how we’ve got on in recent weeks.
Bristol Revolution 1 – 1 Sea Mills Park A
Our first game back from the winter ‘break’ was a disappointing game at home to Sea Mills, the highlight of which was a 50 yard lob from Ryan Appleton. Well, I say lob, some might describe it as a clearance which bounced past the keeper fortuitously, but I’m sure Ryan would prefer the former.
Bradley Stoke Town 1 – 7 Bristol Revolution
(Will Tombs 3, Lex Vincenzi 2, Joel Da Costa, Gareth Coogan)
Following what felt like a lifetime of postponed matches and a limp performance against Sea Mills, a massive win against Bradley Stoke was just what we needed. Five goals from the LAW enforcement team (that’s ‘Lex And Will’) upfront, plus goals from Big Joel and centre back Gareth, saw us take an easy win.
With the team leading 4-1, captain Ben Serle had to leave at half time to perform boyfriend duties (to his girlfriend, not to a teammate). Just sayin’.
Bristol Revolution 1 – 1 Iron Acton B
In a tight home match against Iron Action – who had beaten us in pre-season – my second goal of the season gained us a point.
The game was ruined by one of the worst refereeing performances I have ever seen. Inconsistent decisions throughout, including literally a dozen foul throws by the opposition, culminated in their keeper handling the ball outside the box. Despite seeing it, the referee did nothing. Other decisions included not giving a foul despite an opponent removing my boot as I went to kick the ball.
As a result, I refused to shake the referee’s hand at the end and was subsequently fined by the Bristol and Avon League, as was substitute Mark who also seemingly upset the stumpy little hobbit in charge.
Sea Mills Park A 0 – 6 Bristol Revolution
(Lex Vincenzi, Adam Gilks, Amar Brown, Joel Da Costa, Nil Mashru, Stu Mason)
The win at Sea Mills was a great performance against a quite pathetic team, on a pitch which almost made me long for the Downs League. The ball-swallowing stream behind one of the goals gave the pitch a nice bit of character.
Ankle-breaking divots and grass tufts made it challenging, and we held a narrow 1-0 lead at half time, with big performances from Stu and Gareth at centre back setting the tone. The second half was a different matter, though, and we took advantage of Sea Mills’ lack of fitness with a battering five goals in 45 minutes.
Stu ‘take that you c**t’ Mason prepares to launch a free kick down field
Bristol Revolution 5 – 5 Broad Walk Reserves
(Will Tombs 3, Lex Vincenzi 2)
After a very shaky start which saw us 4-1 down, a strong second half performance meant we came back to 5-4 down with 10 minutes to go. A long punt from Broad Walk put their clumsy centre forward through on goal, but he blazed wide with just the keeper to beat.
Minutes later, we got the ball forward quickly to Lex who pulled a cross back, which I flicked on to Will who finished at the second attempt to make it 5-5. We could have gone on the win the game, but ran out of time.
Highlight of the game, though, was captain Ben Serle getting sent off at half time for taking a piss in the bushes. [Or, as he argued to the ref, for ‘looking at the brambles’]. Classic Serle. Quite an achievement, considering that you’d basically have to murder someone on the pitch to get even a yellow card.
Sea Mills A 3 – 0 Bristol Revolution (Cup Semi-Final)
Yet another game against Sea Mills, and the less said about this performance the better. After going 1-0 down to a sloppy headed goal on the world’s smallest 11-a-side pitch, we won a penalty after Big Joel (‘Yaya’) was taken down following a corner. Lex dispatched the spot kick, but the gobby Glaswegian ref decided Welbz had strayed into the box and ordered a re-take. Predictably, the second penalty was missed.
Welbz: rarely goes in the box but when he does, it’s during a penalty kick
Moments later, another corner led to a chance as a half-clearance fell to Vish on the edge of the box. The glory of a top-corner strike was short lived, however, as the ref heard Vish’s cry of ‘LEAVE IT’ as he struck the ball – a big no-no, albeit one that you rarely see a ref pick up on.
These setbacks seemed to sap our energy and two late goals gave Sea Mills a flattering win. No debut season cup glory for the Revs.
Bristol Revolution 4 – 1 Westerleigh Sports
(Gareth Coogan, Adam Gilks, Will Tombs, Joel Da Costa)
The aforementioned Glaswegian ref from our cup semi final took charge for this game, and again seemed intent on spoiling the game. After awarding a penalty for Westerleigh which was initially scored, he again ordered a re-take for encroachment as in the previous game. The penalty was scored, though, and we had to come from behind.
Westerleigh deserved to lose if only for that grim green kit
When we were awarded a penalty of our own, Gareth stepped up and made amends for giving one away at the other end by smashing home the equaliser. I claimed the next goal, albeit via a deflected cross-shot which found its way into the net, giving us a 2-1 lead at half time, and we never looked back.
Will grabbed a second half goal before the game was finished off with a lovely team move which resulted in Yaya flicking the ball over a defender’s head and hammering the ball past the helpless lard-arse keeper. Lovely. A mention should also go to the defence, who put in a commanding shift and gave Westerleigh’s little shaven-headed pikey striker absolutely nothing.
So, with eleven games to play in less than five weeks, it’s going to be a hell of a run-in for the Bristol Revolution. Here’s how the league table looks.
Up the Revs.