Revolution take top spot

With the fixtures coming thick and fast, we faced the team we expect to challenge strongly for the title, LS United.

bristol revolution football club bristol and avon football league ball amateur football soccer

Pre-match at home to LS United

Bristol Revolution 1-2 LS United

In a hard fought game, LS United were fortunate to come away with all three points. A mix up at the back and an own goal gave Little Stoke the win, despite Nani’s second half goal.

Although LS had the better of the first half, as soon as they lost their dim-witted centre forward to a hamstring injury, they posed little threat at all and we looked the more likely team to score.

Referee McKenzie played his usual game of booking whoever the fuck he wants for swearing/looking at him/not being Caucasian, but probably didn’t submit any of the cards to the league as he is usually too drunk.

Frankly, the less said about this game the better.

Kellaway pitch Southmead bristol football revolution bristol and avon football league

A perfect evening for football, on paper at least

Kellaway 0-5 Bristol Revolution

Just four days later, we headed to Southmead to face new league entrants Kellaway Hire FC. A weird mix of veterans and young lads, Kellaway’s lack of pre-season was obvious as they lacked any kind of fight, cohesion or ability.

We cruised into a half-time lead thanks to an own goal after Grylls’ pass across the goalmouth was battered into the roof of the net by the backtracking keeper. I also nearly scored with a purely accidental cross-shot that went inches over.

With half-time changes made, we pushed on and Kellaway faded fast. A couple of soft goals resulted in a 3-0 lead, before Lex fired in a rocket from the edge of the box. He finished the game with the match ball (as if that actually happens at this level) with a penalty after Tombs was fouled by a lethargic defender.

Bristol revolution kellaway hire fc away southmead bristol and avon football league

Krish looks on proudly (yes, there was a bit of a kit clash)

The light was fading fast, and soon pretty much all I could make out was Kellaway’s fluorescent keeper kit and my own white boots. In the twilight, one of Kellaway’s old boys went in late on our very own kickboxing centre back Gareth – not a good idea. The final minutes mainly involved Gareth attempting to strategically exact his revenge on the veteran midfielder, but thankfully the hobbit-like ref blew for full time before anyone was killed.

A good win, but against a team who will likely struggle for points all season. Truthfully, we should have hit double figures against a team of that standard and will need to up our game if we’re to challenge for the league title.

Still, not too shoddy a start.

TOP OF THE LEAGUE etc #ladsBristol and Avon Football League table premier division


Bristol Revolution – New Season, New Kit, New Optimism!

Now into our third season, Bristol Revolution mean business. After narrowly missing out on promotion last season, we decided that this is our year.

Besides, we have even have a sponsor now, following the takeover of the club by wealthy Asian businessman Raj Bhatt (who may or may not be the manager’s dad).

With key players moving on to pastures new in the post-season – including Marcus Smith joining former captain Ben Serle in the bright lights of London and serial referee-botherer Stuart Mason entering semi-retirement following the birth of his baby girl – it was essential for Revolution to add quality and depth to their squad, with half a dozen new additions including Peter Crouch-a-like Dan Smith and Chris ‘Grylls’ Pipe.

Bristol Revolution home kit nike prontaprint bristol avon football league fishponds downend

New home kit – fancy, huh?

Game One:
Bristol Revolution 5-2 Hartcliffe
Will (2), Jerome, Lex, Aaron

The first game of the season went surprisingly well, with time for both a warm up and team talk. Probably because co-founder Vish Patel took the managerial reigns from Krish Bhatt, who was off arranging another underhanded sponsorship deal in the Middle East.

Revolution flew out the blocks into an early 3-0 lead, almost to our disbelief and in spite of our makeshift 3-5-2 system enforced due to lack of available defenders. Although we were pegged back to 3-2 by half time, Hartcliffe were starting to get annoyed at the apparent bias of the blonde-haired referee who I am almost certain was  Boris Johnson.

Vish brought on Ryan for Welbz to add more defensive cover on the right wing, and we started to control the game more and more. After withstanding a bit of pressure, we shifted to 4-4-2 which left Lex looking bemused as he was suddenly one half of the least defensive central midfield partnership in the league, alongside myself.

By now, Hartcliffe were berating Referee Johnson and had lost sight of the game, to our advantage. Most of the Hartcliffe team got booked for dissent by the end, which will be expensive for their mother.

Another goal and a Lex penalty made the scoreline more comfortable, as we saw out a scrappy end to the game. Three points, job done.

There will be bigger tests to come, though, starting with Little Stoke United at home on Saturday.

What’s that? We’ve only got two defenders available? Oh great.

Classic Revs.

bristol revolution home kit closeup prontaprint nike fishponds downend football amateur

7 brilliant reasons to join Bristol Revolution FC

Not sure who to play for this season? Look no further than Bristol Revolution FC. Here’s 7 reasons why we’re the best amateur football team in Bristol.

  1. Krish’s pep talks

Some players want to play for Mourinho, others for Guardiola. In the South West, though, players travel far and wide to play for Krishan Bhatt.

His eerily-calm demeanour has inspired many a match-winning performance. Whether we’re going into a cup semi final, a pre-season friendly or a top of the table clash, Krish’s soothing tones will have you feeling more relaxed than Raheem Sterling’s accountant.

bristol revolution pre match team talk bristol and avon league

Pre-match huddle (so we can hear Krish)

  1. Sometimes we win and do goals

Surely this is appealing? In our first season, we didn’t do that many goals or win as many games as we’d have liked. In our second season, we did many more goals and nearly finished in a promotion place.

If you’d like to be part of a team that sometimes wins and often does goals, Bristol Revolution are the team for you.

bristol post football club bristol revolution doddington

No goals were done in this game – it was a one off, I promise…

  1. Lex’s bitchfits

Like our very own Mario Balotelli, the ever-volatile Lex Vincenzi is worth the admission price (£0) alone. The stroppy Italian forward has a fantastic free kick conversion ratio, and regularly fires in long range goals out of nowhere.

Even more entertaining, though, is when Lex doesn’t get his way – a shot goes wide, Amar doesn’t pass him the ball, or someone else scores. Cue Ronaldo-esc flailing of the arms, hand gestures and occasional strops off to the halfway line during a team talk.

  1. Tika Taka

Unusually for an amateur team, we actually like to play football more than we like to argue with Bristolian inbred peasants. This means that sometimes a number of passes occur, intentionally, in a row! We have been known to string as many as six passes together before someone miscontrols it or scuffs it wide. THE BEAUTIFUL GAME.

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Pictorial evidence that we play a passing game (when given 10 yards of space)

  1. Be friends with Welbz

Welbz (aka Danny, Amar, Welbeck) is a constant source of amusement. Whether it’s his ever-changing haircuts, ludicrously bright and expensive boots, or his hilarious delusions of grandeur, there’s never a dull moment.

No one believes in Welbz more than Welbz, and he’s never afraid to try an outrageous lob when he could simply side foot it into the bottom corner. This makes the inevitable scuffed effort and tumble even more fun. Welbz can also be seen sporting thermal under-layers on a 16’c day.

You too can be friends with Welbz!

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Welbz’s actual face when he scores a goal


Anyone who likes football likes banter. This is scientific fact. We like football and so there is also some banter. You may even get invited for a #cheekynandos by Welbz and Fes.

If you like banter then come and play football with us. Also, it’s good banter because less of us are morons than in many other teams. We can all read and write*, which I think is a league-first.


  1. Home in time for Saturday Night Football

Our participation in the Bristol & Avon Football League means we rarely have to travel more than 15 minutes from the city centre. Our cup runs are conveniently short-lived so we don’t have to venture outside the city more than once or twice a season, so you’ll always be back in time for the 5.30pm SNF game. Winning!

If, inevitably, you’re now dying to represent this great club, get in touch and come join us for ‘training’.

bristol revolution football club training floodlights evening

Training consists largely of kicking balls over the fence

Players wanted for 15/16 season


After narrowly missing out on promotion in 2014/15, Bristol Revolution Football Club are looking to add to their squad to push for the Bristol & Avon Football League title in 2015/16.

If you’re interested in representing this wonderful club, get in contact via Twitter @SoccerSagacity or email

Every player dreams of playing for Bristol Revolution one day.
It’s the one club that no one can turn down when they come calling.
Cristiano Ronaldo

The team philosophy is attractive attacking football coupled with chaotic self-destructing defensive madness.

Home games are played at the illustrious Walkers Playing Field, Emersons Green, Bristol. All fixtures are Saturday afternoons, with training on Wednesday evenings.

Footballing ability optional but preferable.

Imagine pulling on this famous kit:

Revolution_kitconceptsSo what are you waiting for? Get in touch and become a legend…

Revolution Blog Five: Toppling the League Leaders

Hosting the league leaders should be a daunting task, but having scored 15 goals in our previous three games, we were in confident mood, and it showed in our best performance of the season.

On Saturday morning, Broad Plain ‘A’ sat top of the Bristol and Avon Premier Division with 14 wins in 19 games, just three defeats, and having scored 80 goals in the process. Bristol Revolution, in our first season, started in lower-mid table with 6 wins from 15 games.

What’s more, we were missing several key first team players – centre back Stu was watching his beloved Southampton lose to Cardiff, and joint top-scorer Will was drinking his weight in cider on a coach to Dover. A one-sided affair, you might expect? It’s a funny old game blah blah.

For once, we were out early and warmed up thoroughly. Meanwhile, there was no sign of Broad Plain who, it turned out, had packed their red home kit which neatly matched ours, so were on the hunt for an alternative.

By the time they finally arrived – in a fetching yellow and green Norwich City number – we had found time to lump about a dozen balls over the hedge and into a neighbouring school’s field, and played a piggy-in-the-middle game in which none of us could pass or control the ball.

bristol avon football league revolution soccer

Krish prepares to unleash Yaya on the league leaders

Once they arrived and Ben had his obligatory last-minute piss, we kicked off and pressed high from the start, giving them no time to settle. Broad Plain looked disorganised and their lack of a warm up showed as we took advantage with two quick-fire goals.

Nilesh ‘Nani’ Mashru picked up possession and ran at their veteran centre backs before playing in ‘Big’ Joel DaCosta, who finished neatly. Moments later, Nani chased down a long ball and drilled a cross to Amar ‘Welbz’ Brown who met the cross with a poachers’ finish to make it 2-0.

Broad Plain hit back, though, when a free kick was headed in at the far post. 2-1.

Their approach early in the game epitomised the English style; lobbing high balls at our defence and looking to get on to the knock downs. This tactic probably would have had us on our arses earlier in the season, but big performances from centre backs Vish and Gareth meant they offered little from open play.

As the game tightened, Broad Plain won a corner. As one of the midgets of the team, I took up my usual place on the post, and (ironically) thought about how I’ve yet to be needed in this position for the Revs. That thought quickly faded from my mind when the corner was headed back across goal. With keeper Kalpit beaten, I managed to hook the ball off the line with a flick of my boot, just, despite protests that it had crossed the line. It hadn’t, and it was a key moment in the game.

Soon after, Gareth launched a free kick from the half way line into their box. The keeper hopelessly parried it onto the crossbar, and Big Joel (‘Yaya’) was quickest to react to the rebound; 3-1 at halftime.

The second half started and the aggressive match up in midfield continued. Our midfield duo of Joel and Serle (think Yaya Toure alongside a young Ronald Koeman) were getting hit hard by their midfield of ‘Big Fuck’ no.3 and ‘Little Fuck’ no.6. Ben, in his usual polite manner, repeatedly niggled at no.6 and then apologised profusely before being hit with a tirade of abuse. Yaya, in the meantime, was having a classic Sunday League style clash with their no.3.

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Koeman and Toure – forming a formidable partnership at the heart of the Revolution midfield

The Yaya-no.3 duel soon came to a head, when the two eyeballed each other after a few heated challenges. Typically relaxed, Yaya was having none of it despite some petty abuse from less intellectual opponents, whilst Broad Plain’s no.3 was getting more and more wound up. A sly swipe at Yaya’s legs off the ball resulted in the female ref issuing a yellow card, much to our delight.

Away from the handbags, we started to take control. I slipped a slightly-too-heavy through ball behind the defence, which Nani kept in play and coolly laid back for Serle to whip into the top corner from the edge of the box.

Meanwhile, Broad Plain’s no.3 was up to his old tricks and decided to swing an elbow at Vish’s throat. Everyone seemed to see it, except for the 4’3” lady-ref, who couldn’t punish an offence she hadn’t seen despite our protests. If Stu ‘fucking crunch the cunt’ Mason had been playing, I’m pretty sure there would have been some retribution dished out.

Fortunately, we kept our heads and soon their aging defence started to tire, leaving more and more space for Nani and Welbz to exploit. Ben placed a diagonal pass, which I got the slightest touch on, and Nani once again burst through. Having hit the woodwork on a few occasions already, he smashed home the finish to get a well-earned goal.

Moments later, I picked up the ball in midfield and slotted the self-styled ‘Aeymar’ in between the centre backs. Unusually composed, Amar was poised to finish when he was clipped by their mindless defender. It was a foul, but in the words of Welbz post-match, he “made the most of it”. Welbz stepped up to convert from the spot, and we were in dreamland.

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With the game won, manager Krish brought on three subs for the closing minutes of the match. Man of the Match Nani was at the centre of things yet again as his intelligent flick put substitute Miller in on goal. After rounding the keeper, he dribbled the ball in – a wise move considering the state of the turf – and a thumping 7-1 win was complete.

How Broad Plain ever made it to top of the league, I don’t know. What I do know is that, on our day, we can beat anyone in this league.

I feel worryingly optimistic, but there will be harder games to come. Next up, the first of our midweek games against mid-table rivals De-Veys.

In the words of Krish’s dad Raj: “COME ON REVS!!!”


bristol avon football league revolution soccer


League Table 130414

Revolution Blog Four: Big Wins, Red Cards and Dodgy Decisions

After a mostly rained-off winter, the season is in full flight again and Bristol Revolution have really kicked on. Well, aside from conceding free kicks due to amateurish cries of ‘mine’ and ‘leave it’, but we do that just to lull opponents into a false sense of security. Here’s how we’ve got on in recent weeks.

Bristol Revolution 1 – 1 Sea Mills Park A
(Ryan Appleton)

Our first game back from the winter ‘break’ was a disappointing game at home to Sea Mills, the highlight of which was a 50 yard lob from Ryan Appleton. Well, I say lob, some might describe it as a clearance which bounced past the keeper fortuitously, but I’m sure Ryan would prefer the former.

Bradley Stoke Town 1 – 7 Bristol Revolution
(Will Tombs 3, Lex Vincenzi 2, Joel Da Costa, Gareth Coogan)

Following what felt like a lifetime of postponed matches and a limp performance against Sea Mills, a massive win against Bradley Stoke was just what we needed. Five goals from the LAW enforcement team (that’s ‘Lex And Will’) upfront, plus goals from Big Joel and centre back Gareth, saw us take an easy win.

With the team leading 4-1, captain Ben Serle had to leave at half time to perform boyfriend duties (to his girlfriend, not to a teammate). Just sayin’.



Bristol Revolution 1 – 1 Iron Acton B
(Adam Gilks)

In a tight home match against Iron Action – who had beaten us in pre-season – my second goal of the season gained us a point.

The game was ruined by one of the worst refereeing performances I have ever seen. Inconsistent decisions throughout, including literally a dozen foul throws by the opposition, culminated in their keeper handling the ball outside the box. Despite seeing it, the referee did nothing. Other decisions included not giving a foul despite an opponent removing my boot as I went to kick the ball.

As a result, I refused to shake the referee’s hand at the end and was subsequently fined by the Bristol and Avon League, as was substitute Mark who also seemingly upset the stumpy little hobbit in charge.


Sea Mills Park A 0 – 6 Bristol Revolution
(Lex Vincenzi, Adam Gilks, Amar Brown, Joel Da Costa, Nil Mashru, Stu Mason)

The win at Sea Mills was a great performance against a quite pathetic team, on a pitch which almost made me long for the Downs League. The ball-swallowing stream behind one of the goals gave the pitch a nice bit of character.

Ankle-breaking divots and grass tufts made it challenging, and we held a narrow 1-0 lead at half time, with big performances from Stu and Gareth at centre back setting the tone. The second half was a different matter, though, and we took advantage of Sea Mills’ lack of fitness with a battering five goals in 45 minutes.

Stu 'Razor Ruddock' Mason prepares to launch a free kick downfield

Stu ‘take that you c**t’ Mason prepares to launch a free kick down field


Bristol Revolution 5 – 5 Broad Walk Reserves
(Will Tombs 3, Lex Vincenzi 2)

After a very shaky start which saw us 4-1 down, a strong second half performance meant we came back to 5-4 down with 10 minutes to go. A long punt from Broad Walk put their clumsy centre forward through on goal, but he blazed wide with just the keeper to beat.

Minutes later, we got the ball forward quickly to Lex who pulled a cross back, which I flicked on to Will who finished at the second attempt to make it 5-5. We could have gone on the win the game, but ran out of time.

Highlight of the game, though, was captain Ben Serle getting sent off at half time for taking a piss in the bushes. [Or, as he argued to the ref, for ‘looking at the brambles’]. Classic Serle. Quite an achievement, considering that you’d basically have to murder someone on the pitch to get even a yellow card.


Sea Mills A 3 – 0 Bristol Revolution (Cup Semi-Final)

Yet another game against Sea Mills, and the less said about this performance the better. After going 1-0 down to a sloppy headed goal on the world’s smallest 11-a-side pitch, we won a penalty after Big Joel (‘Yaya’) was taken down following a corner. Lex dispatched the spot kick, but the gobby Glaswegian ref decided Welbz had strayed into the box and ordered a re-take. Predictably, the second penalty was missed.


Welbz: rarely goes in the box but when he does, it's during a penalty kick

Welbz: rarely goes in the box but when he does, it’s during a penalty kick

Moments later, another corner led to a chance as a half-clearance fell to Vish on the edge of the box. The glory of a top-corner strike was short lived, however, as the ref heard Vish’s cry of ‘LEAVE IT’ as he struck the ball – a big no-no, albeit one that you rarely see a ref pick up on.

These setbacks seemed to sap our energy and two late goals gave Sea Mills a flattering win. No debut season cup glory for the Revs.


Bristol Revolution 4 – 1 Westerleigh Sports
(Gareth Coogan, Adam Gilks, Will Tombs, Joel Da Costa)

The aforementioned Glaswegian ref from our cup semi final took charge for this game, and again seemed intent on spoiling the game. After awarding a penalty for Westerleigh which was initially scored, he again ordered a re-take for encroachment as in the previous game. The penalty was scored, though, and we had to come from behind.

Westerleigh deserved to lose if only for that grim green kit

Westerleigh deserved to lose if only for that grim green kit

When we were awarded a penalty of our own, Gareth stepped up and made amends for giving one away at the other end by smashing home the equaliser. I claimed the next goal, albeit via a deflected cross-shot which found its way into the net, giving us a 2-1 lead at half time, and we never looked back.

Will grabbed a second half goal before the game was finished off with a lovely team move which resulted in Yaya flicking the ball over a defender’s head and hammering the ball past the helpless lard-arse keeper. Lovely. A mention should also go to the defence, who put in a commanding shift and gave Westerleigh’s little shaven-headed pikey striker absolutely nothing.

So, with eleven games to play in less than five weeks, it’s going to be a hell of a run-in for the Bristol Revolution. Here’s how the league table looks.

League Table 060414


Up the Revs.

Revolution Blog Three: The Season So Far

With the abysmal British weather meaning the last six match days in the Bristol & Avon Football League have been called off, now seems like a good time to recap Bristol Revolution’s season so far.


With the team founded and registered, training began with just a handful of players and a few cones on a windswept playing field in South East Bristol. We practised the old art of ‘lobbing the ball into the box’ and ‘how to do a throw in’ (something many players continue to struggle with). It was enlightening stuff.

With training complete and the players thoroughly prepared, we embarked on a pre-season tour of Bristol, taking on local sides with limited success. Nonetheless, The Revolution started to set out the playing style that founders Krish and Vish demand – confident, technical on-the-floor continental football – and we could feel the team starting to gel. Players found their positions within the team, other than manager Krish who was forced to play in goal until we recruited a permanent keeper. To say that he was regularly lobbed would be a monumental understatement.

On Saturday, August 31st, we hosted Bristol Sports for our first ever game in the Bristol & Avon League. Goals from Amar Brown (better known as ‘Welbz’ for obvious reasons – see below) and Joel Da Costa (‘Duff’ or ‘Big Joel’) saw the Revolution start with a confident 2-2 draw. This despite, shall we say, ‘heavy handed’ tactics from Bristol Sports and their Al ‘Pub Landlord’ Murray-a-like up front.

Danny Welbeck, Manchester United, Welbz, Bristol football, Bristol and Avon, football

Amar – AKA Welbz, Welbeck, or Danny – loves the limelight.

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Lex and Big Joel launch a counter attack. Welbz sprints into an offside position as fast as he can.

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Back up keeper Krish comes charging out. May not have actually got lobbed on this occasion.


The next few games weren’t so kind, as the team took time to gel defensively and leaked goals all over the place. League defeats to De-Veys Reserves (2-3), LS United (1-5) and Whitchurch Phoenix (4-5) were alleviated by a 6-3 cup win over Clifton St Vincent B of my old hunting ground, the Bristol Downs League, in the GFA Cup.


With two games called off in October, we managed just two matches – both defeats in cup games – so we’ll just skip this shall we…


Things finally started to pick with an inspiring 3-2 win over predominantly-Scottish Doddington FC, thanks to goals from Lex Vincenzi and Nilesh ‘Nani’ Mashru (2). A narrow 2-3 defeat to Iron Acton B was follow by our first back-to-back wins in our history.

The first of the victories was another defeat of Doddington, 6-4 with goals from centre backs Gareth Coogan and ‘the Asian Busquets’ Vish Patel, plus two apiece from Marcus Smith and Vincenzi.


The following week, we hosted Whitchurch Phoenix who had previously inflicted an undeserved 5-4 defeat. We were ready for revenge. The hard-fought match was notable for a goal by legendary central midfield playmaker (and author of this blog) Adam Gilks. Did I just reference myself in the third person? Oh, and striker Will Tombs got a hattrick. But enough about that. I scored! Nilesh Mashru and blonde-haired assassin/team captain Ben Serle got the others in a remarkable 6-3 win. Did I mention that I scored?

Unfortunately, the year ended with a 2-4 defeat on the world’s biggest and windiest pitch against Broad Plain, despite two goals from Will Tombs.


Since December 14th, six consecutive games have been called off due to the appalling weather. Bristol weather is unlike anything I’ve experienced before.

If you don’t live in Bristol, I’ll describe it for you; it seems to rain pretty much continuously between October and May, with regular hurricane winds. Occasionally, the sun pops out, but only to mislead you into leaving the house without an umbrella. If you do take an umbrella, the wind will turn it inside out, shove it up your arse and then chuck a load of water at you.

So, here’s a look at the league table as it stands.

bristol and avon football league, bristol football, downs league, soccer, football, bristol revolution

Bristol and Avon Premier Division. ‘Premier’ in the very loosest sense of the word.

Although we’re third from bottom, three wins in our last five league games gives reason for optimism. With SEVEN games in hand on the team above us, and NINE games in hand on 2nd place Whitchurch Phoenix, we still have a very real chance of ending up in the top half of the table.

The schedule will be manic between now and the end of the season, so there’s likely to be injuries aplenty, high and lows, and lots of chances to analyse Welbz’s chemically straightened hair in detail.

Revolution Blog Two: The Club

The question on everyone’s lips across the football hotbed that is the South West is; who are Bristol Revolution?

Well, to say that we’re taking the Bristol & Avon League by storm would be hyperbole of the highest order. But slowly and steadily, the revolution is coming…


Player-manager Krishan Bhatt and assistant manager Vish Patel have pulled together some of the finest football talent in Bristol. Sort of. OK, if nothing else, we are probably the most ethnically-diverse football team in Bristol, as the almost-complete team photo below demonstrates.


The photo was taken by club legend Raj Bhatt, who is largely responsible for the team having kit to wear, goals to shoot at, and bottles to drink from every Saturday. Respect.

The team plays in red and black, a colour scheme which I assume was inspired by Manchester United, who are of course supported by pretty much the entire Asian contingent in the Revolution squad. The away kit is royal blue, not quite like the picture below (a pre-season concept). The badge was generously designed by fellow Villa fan and all round marvellous bloke, Aaron Clayton.


We are currently sponsor-less, which probably makes us appear so ‘big time’ that we can run a football club without sponsor investment. I think Krish’s bank account would confirm that this is not the case. In fact, we may have been shut down by Andrew Andronikou and his team of football administrators before the end of this blog.

Talking of sponsors, if by some miracle of the interwebnet the owner of Vodka Revolution’s Bristol outlet is reading this (maybe he Googled ‘Bristol Vodka Revolution and ended up here)…just think of the marketing opportunities!

Our home pitch is on loan from Cadbury Heath YFC of Downend, on the east side of Bristol. Ingeniously positioned at the bottom of a hill, the pitch is like a huge green sponge that absorbs all of the water from the local area. Dense bushes and brambles frame three quarters of the pitch, meaning that several match balls are lost or borrowed by nature every Saturday.

The pitch itself, however, is almost flat. Flat! After a year and a half battling ankle-breaking pitches in the Downs League, this is an incredible feeling. The grass varies in length, and the water-soaking technique of adding sand means I’ve lost half the skin on my legs already, but amazingly you can actually pass the ball without fear of a molehill pushing the ball in the opposite direction.

Manager Bhatt encourages an attractive style of play, preferring ‘on the floor’ football which is rare at this level of English football. This is the most encouraging aspect of playing for the Revolution – that regardless of the yobbish, talentless mugs we face, we stick to our style of play and try to do it the right way. This is also, in part, due to the fact that only about 3 of our 16 man squad can head the ball, so we pretty much have to play on the floor. Arsene Wenger, eat your heart out.

That’ll do for now – if you’ve stuck with me this far, you probably either play for the club or know someone that does. Good work, and thanks for reading.

Up the Revs.

Revolution Blog One: From Cotswool FC to Bristol Revolution

Welcome to the return of Soccer Sagacity.

Previously, the ramblings on here were largely based on my experiences of the Bristol Downs League. I am now employing my unique brand of ‘all the gear, no idea’ football in the Bristol & Avon Football League with Bristol Revolution.

For clarity, I think it’s worth summarising the experiences and blogs that lead to this point, to pull the story together.

Note: if you’re reading this in your email browser, click here to view as God/nature/your chosen deity intended.

The Bristol Downs League is a standalone football league system consisting of four divisions, played entirely (home and away) in Clifton, up above the legendary Clifton Suspension Bridge.

Clifton Suspension Bridge Bristol

The view from the Downs, with the famous suspension bridge beyond the shrubbery

Players in the Downs League are mostly very pleasant – local Clifton residents, Bristol University students, young professionals from the area, and some veterans who have been playing in the league for decades.

The spirit is fantastic, and I recommend taking a look at my earlier blogs to get a feel of what this unique league is like.

Unfortunately, the pitches are not befitting of the league’s camaraderie, and after 18 months of battling through the mud, divots and puddles, the Downs claimed another victim as pitch number 12 decided to grab a hold of my foot and promptly smash my ankle ligaments to smithereens.

bristol downs league football, muddy football pitch

Spring/summer; the long grass disguises the lethal potholes that lie below. Autumn/winter; mud is the order of the day.

After 5 months out injured, I returned for the final few games of the 2012-13 season as Cotswool battled to retain top-division status.

I decided, however, that I didn’t enjoy walking on crutches or spending my Saturdays wading through knee-deep puddles and battling hurricane-like winds.

So, when I was offered the chance to join new start-up Bristol Revolution, I jumped at the chance.

And so, here we are.

Up next, an introduction to Bristol Revolution Football Club. You lucky buggers.