Not sure who to play for this season? Look no further than Bristol Revolution FC. Here’s 7 reasons why we’re the best amateur football team in Bristol.
- Krish’s pep talks
Some players want to play for Mourinho, others for Guardiola. In the South West, though, players travel far and wide to play for Krishan Bhatt.
His eerily-calm demeanour has inspired many a match-winning performance. Whether we’re going into a cup semi final, a pre-season friendly or a top of the table clash, Krish’s soothing tones will have you feeling more relaxed than Raheem Sterling’s accountant.
- Sometimes we win and do goals
Surely this is appealing? In our first season, we didn’t do that many goals or win as many games as we’d have liked. In our second season, we did many more goals and nearly finished in a promotion place.
If you’d like to be part of a team that sometimes wins and often does goals, Bristol Revolution are the team for you.
- Lex’s bitchfits
Like our very own Mario Balotelli, the ever-volatile Lex Vincenzi is worth the admission price (£0) alone. The stroppy Italian forward has a fantastic free kick conversion ratio, and regularly fires in long range goals out of nowhere.
Even more entertaining, though, is when Lex doesn’t get his way – a shot goes wide, Amar doesn’t pass him the ball, or someone else scores. Cue Ronaldo-esc flailing of the arms, hand gestures and occasional strops off to the halfway line during a team talk.
- Tika Taka
Unusually for an amateur team, we actually like to play football more than we like to argue with Bristolian inbred peasants. This means that sometimes a number of passes occur, intentionally, in a row! We have been known to string as many as six passes together before someone miscontrols it or scuffs it wide. THE BEAUTIFUL GAME.
- Be friends with Welbz
Welbz (aka Danny, Amar, Welbeck) is a constant source of amusement. Whether it’s his ever-changing haircuts, ludicrously bright and expensive boots, or his hilarious delusions of grandeur, there’s never a dull moment.
No one believes in Welbz more than Welbz, and he’s never afraid to try an outrageous lob when he could simply side foot it into the bottom corner. This makes the inevitable scuffed effort and tumble even more fun. Welbz can also be seen sporting thermal under-layers on a 16’c day.
You too can be friends with Welbz!
Anyone who likes football likes banter. This is scientific fact. We like football and so there is also some banter. You may even get invited for a #cheekynandos by Welbz and Fes.
If you like banter then come and play football with us. Also, it’s good banter because less of us are morons than in many other teams. We can all read and write*, which I think is a league-first.
- Home in time for Saturday Night Football
Our participation in the Bristol & Avon Football League means we rarely have to travel more than 15 minutes from the city centre. Our cup runs are conveniently short-lived so we don’t have to venture outside the city more than once or twice a season, so you’ll always be back in time for the 5.30pm SNF game. Winning!
If, inevitably, you’re now dying to represent this great club, get in touch and come join us for ‘training’.